Balance
Being an officer in the Army is a tough job that often pulls you away from your family for months at a time, for weeks while not deployed, and for late hours almost every day you’re back in garrison not on an exercise or during a deployment. I’ve found the corporate world has its own competing demands that will pull you away from family and other important activities in your life.
There is nothing wrong with committing so much time and energy in your profession, as that much effort normally results in some degree of success. That success can be deserved recognition, a pay bonus, the selection for a better assignment, or selection for promotion. It can be the affirmation of your boss, or just the satisfaction of knowing you successfully completed the mission despite overcoming tremendous trials and challenges.
Success Breeds Success
What I’ve found over the years however, is that success breeds success. In other words, the more success one has, the greater the appetite to remain successful. And the more successful we are, the result is quite often working our way up the ladder into more competitive and more responsible jobs. And more competitive and responsible jobs normally require more time and energy to successfully accomplish the mission of the new position.
Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with upward progression as a result of hard work and commitment. But success that results in upward progression into more responsible positions, often results in more time and energy to be successful in that position. And here is the crux of the issue.
We cannot create more time
Since there are only 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week, time becomes a critical variable in any equation that results in continued success. And since time is a given, and none of us can create more of it, we quickly find ourselves trying to balance an increasingly group of people and activities that are competing for our “time.”
Where we spend our time not only shows what is important in our life, but also shows who the “bill payers” are. “Bill payers” are the ones who do not get as much of our time as their needs deserve, and most of us would agree that those at the top of our list whose needs deserve our time are those closest to us – our spouse and our children.
Energy reservoir
Another critical variable in balancing a forward progression within a competitive profession is energy. Assuming an equal reservoir of energy is available to us every day, that energy reservoir will enable us to accomplish the tasks we’re asked to accomplish within a priority. In other words, there is a lot of energy to accomplish the tasks at work in the morning, but as the day moves on, we quickly find ourselves trying to perform with less and less energy as the day moves on. So, if we’re working 14 hours a day for the Army, and are coming home at 8:00 at night, we’re not going to have much energy for a family that is patiently waiting for us to come home and to spend some time “playing with the kids,” “reading bedtime stories,” or just having a cup of coffee and listening to our spouse on how his or her day went. And when we come home and just crash on the couch and put our feet up for the rest of the evening, it’s clear that our personal “energy reservoir” was depleted in the office during that 14-hour workday.
Balancing work and family demands
Having served in the Army 43 years, I was always concerned about the consequences many families had experienced because of the work demands on the military member. Between deployments, off-post extended exercises, and late work hours, the stress placed on the family because of the military member’s increasing amount of time and energy resulted much too often in separated and broken families. Much of this occurred at the mid-career mark, where continued success required increased time and energy demands with a smaller and more competitive peer group. And since “success breeds success,” and since “duty calls,” it is the military member willing to pay that price for success.
Don’t get me wrong. During my 43-year Army career, I often found myself in these increasingly competitive assignments, where demands of time and energy were often completely out of balance. Quite frankly, it was almost every assignment. But I am not saying that those called to serve should not; the point I want to make is that each of us has to find a balance in all of this.
Recognizing this dilemma, I have always told my subordinates that balance in their lives and in their profession is critically important. You don’t impress me by working late. And you don’t impress me by staying in the office until after I go home.
When it is “not all the time”
There will be times you have to deploy, but not all the time. And there will be times you have to go on an extended off-post exercise, but not all the time. There will be times you have to train in the field for five days or so at a time, but not all the time. And there will be times you have to work late, but not all the time.
So, when it is “not all the time,” go home at a decent hour and spend time meeting the needs of your family. Sit down and have dinner with your family. After dinner, tuck your kids in bed and read them a bedtime story. Kiss them good night, as they will remember the last thing that day was their Mom or Dad spending some very quality and special time with them. Then sit down with your spouse with a cup of coffee and listen to how their day went. You don’t necessarily have to tell them how to solve their problems but just sit there and listen. It is amazing how much your presence in their lives means to them.
I recall a talk given by a new 4-star command to all his 2- and 3-star subordinate commanders – all of whom are the most senior leaders in our Army, and all of whom are in highly competitive jobs that demand an unbelievable amount of time and energy. He said that when he was a 2-star commander in charge of an Army Division of about 20,000 Soldiers, he was driving on post around 4:00 in the afternoon, and drove past a kid’s flag football practice. As he was watching the practice as he drove past, he recognized one of his subordinate commanders – a lieutenant colonel who had been in the Army around 17-18 years or so – who was the coach of his son’s flag football team. When he recognized the subordinate commander, he told his driver to stop the car, and he jumped out, ran up to the lieutenant colonel, gave him a big bear hug, and thanked him for taking time to spend not only in his son’s life but in support of the community. He told that story because he wanted to make the point that even in a high-stress competitive command position that this lieutenant colonel held, balance was important in the lives of the leaders in his organization.
On your death bed, you will not wish you spent more time in the office
A leader of character is not only a leader of character in the workplace, but he or she is also a leader of character in all aspects of their life. Having strength of the heart recognizes the needs of your family so that you are balanced in spending the necessary time and energy to meet their needs. Because when you are on your death bed, you will not be wishing you spent more time in the office.